Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
