FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
