I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
do nipples grow back?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
