In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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