There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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