Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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