why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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