I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your dad touched me again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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