You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
