Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
