The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
