That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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