Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
