im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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