He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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