when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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