Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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