i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
