a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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