mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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