Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
