He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
