Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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