my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
