i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
