I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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