Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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