I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
