Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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