Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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