Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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