i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
