3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
