u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
