i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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