I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
