even my farts smell like vagina
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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