Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
