Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
