Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
