For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
