for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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