we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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