You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
