I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
