My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
