When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
