I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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