You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
