OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
