I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
