you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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